The Courage to Quit

I talk a lot about the power of never quitting. Never giving up. Persevering.

I came close to writing about this in Choosing Your Line. Came close to saying it is okay to quit, but the message there was still about finding your way to the top. Still about winning.

But sometimes, we just have to full on quit. Throw in the towel. To give up.

Contrary to the words I have lived by my entire life and what I often write about.

When I switched from public school to Catholic School in 6th grade, I was bullied. Not physically. Just relentlessly tormented. I was chubby, wore speckled glasses, and had colorful braces on my teeth. This was all made worse by the fact in the class I was joining, the kids had been in the same class together since Kindergarten.  

There were 13 girls and 27 boys in this class. And the 13 girls were divided into 2 groups – the cool, pretty, well dressed girls, and the rest of us. Worst of all, when I changed schools, I did so with my best friend in the world. And to gain acceptance, she leveraged putting me down.

6th and 7th grades were living hell.

One thing to note here is that I was treated kindly by a group of (popular) girls a grade above me and to you, I am forever grateful. <3

But then in 8th grade, a new girl came to the school. She did not know the history, she just saw me and she liked me! Around the same time, my ex-best friend who had reigned the schoolyard kingdom was seen for what she really was. The cruelty caught up with her, and with it I gained popularity. The same monsters who were heartlessly cruel to me were now my inner-circle.

Did I succeed? From a middle schooler’s standpoint, yes! I had friends. I had ‘won’.

Was it worth it and at what costs?

That’s the part I question now. On the surface, the lesson was simple: Show up, work hard, and eventually if you don’t quit, you will succeed.

But a layer deeper?

Fuck that.

I did not need to cry myself to sleep every Sunday for two years to earn belonging. Did not need to endure cruelty to show I was strong.  

Yes, this experience is a key part of my life story. Part of the quiver that made me the resilient, courageous and enduring woman I am.

But as I get older – and hopefully wiser – I understand something I did not back then.

Sometimes perseverance builds you. And sometimes quitting protects you.

If I could go back to the 6th grade version of me, I wouldn’t tell her to try harder. I would tell her to keep her head high – braces and glasses and all – and walk away.